The End is Near

We are officially one week from arriving at PLBC! I’m thrilled! I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I’m just holding on to the hope of freedom! Unfortunately I haven’t seen this trip as bringing me any closer to God like Thailand did, like I expected it to. But it changed something else in me. I am a far more confident public speaker and that in itself is an invaluable change. I jump up on that stage that I belong there and command that mic like I own the place. I was never like that, especially with a mic and a large audience. Our last show was in Beausjeauor Manitoba. Sunday morning in a little baby town, I wasn’t expecting much. But it turned out to be our biggest non youth crowd, you know what? It was actually probably our biggest show yet period. And I spoke and wasn’t freaked out at all! It wasn’t perfect, that’s for sure, but I did it! I’ve grown so much in this area on this tour. I feel far more confident of my calling now.

Get me out of this Spaceship!

Current Location: wow… I could care less. Hour 12 of our 36 hour drive.

Seriously , life is difficult in Jafar. Tensions are high, sickness is brewing, and I’m over it. We left Fredrickton New Brunswick at 11 last night and drove until 5 this morning to stop at Quebec City for an hour, where we walked the streets and laughed our butts off. Its now 11 (we added an hour with the time change) and we’re headed to hang out in Ottawa for an hour. This sucks.

PEI

Current location: Prince Edward Island more specifically “the van”

The last few days we’ve been laughing more as a team I think its because we’ve gotten more sleep. We’re not on each others cases as much but I’m worried patience is growing thin again. Mostly on my part to be honest. My snarky side is becoming more prevalent and my words are like getting sharper. I’m aware that my words can cut like knives.

This week is pretty easy peasy. Lots of sightseeing and driving. Its not too bad really. One more week and another driver and another vibe. I’m excited to see the change. We could use a fresh breeze.

Emotionally, I’ve been processing a lot recently. Too much time in the van with my ipod listening to slow songs I’m afraid. For a while I had forgotten about all the garbage that I left in BC. All the stupid emotional heartache I put myself in. But I’m realizing how I can’t escape it. It’s amazing how lonely you can feel in the middle of a van touching at least two people and smelling another seven.

I’ve been thinking about Grenada a bunch and mostly thinking about how many goodbyes I’m going to have to give when we arrive back to the school. I hate to think about it. Jess’ goodbye is going to be rough. I’m saying goodbye for six months and then hello for two and then goodbye for who knows how long. She’ll be moving off to Ontario for ministry school and I’m really happy for her but it’s a hard situation. I’m reminded of my sister who’s college best friend lives in Oklahoma. Its not very encouraging when you find out that Cass and Shaney talk like once a month. I don’t like that at all. But I guess mostly I’m dreading saying goodbye to Silas. He’s become my closest boy and I can honestly say I don’t know what I’m going to do without him in my life. Internet communication isn’t the same and I’m not going to pretend that we’ll keep that up for years. Two weeks and its over. I hate it. I hate it so much. Just now I’m tearing up at the thought of it and should probably stop talking about it for fears that people will begin to notice. But I can’t continue to avoid this subject. Whenever it gets brought up I loudly tell everyone to SHUT IT and we move on to a better subject. The reality is I’m saying goodbye to my beloved brother whom I love the most.

But I have to remember that I’m following God’s direction and with Him I will not be disappointed. God, Your love makes it worth it all.

New York

New York was amazing. I’m still on a high from being in the big apple. That place was the highlight of the trip so far and I think most of the team will agree. I don’t know when I’ll get to go again so I tried to soak it in as best I could. I got to sightsee with Silas, Jess, Serena, Kris, and Tess. We walked all Times Square but the best part was Central Park. We picked up Jamba Juice and Starbucks and laid in the sun on a giant rock. It was actually one of the most relaxing times of my whole year. I could live in a big city. Maybe I should dream big.

Tour Struggles

Four migraines since this tour started.

Can you say... attack???

Satan, cut it out, you can't ruin this.

Tour Redemption

These past fews days have been difficult to say the least. I've had a terrible attitude and have been far too sensitive to everyone around me. Today Serena and I had to escape and get a manicure. I know it sounds petty and princessy but it was completely necessary. For thirty minutes all my cares floated away. It was divine. The day got increasingly better because after dinner I had a serious talk with Serena and Mark, impromptu, and we discussed some serious problems that we're facing. It was fantastic. We didn't talk in a gossipy way at all and we really worked on some stuff. I was so hyped afterwards! And then later on I talked with Jess about some stuff and that was really good too. Everything is falling back into place and I'm relying on God to fill me up again. I need some fresh oil tomorrow; I need to restart.

Tour Frustrations!!!!

(the following was written in the van)

Dear Tour,

I'm over you. I think it best to spend some time apart. And this may hurt but I'm thinking it would be best to make this separation permanent. It's not me, it's you. You are awful and I can honestly say that I hate you. I hate you with a burning in my soul. You are the bane of my existence and I would like to kick you in the face repeatedly with steel toed boots. I would like to stab you in the liver with a windshield wiper and slice a hole in your neck and fill it with bees. Please leave promptly because I can no longer be around you. Your stench makes me vomitus and your voice makes my ears bleed.

Jemima

I would imagine my life without tour to be a series of rave parties that never run out of hot men and strong drinks. I imagine it to be like riding a unicorn for the first time. I imagine it to be like finding a million dollars in your underwear drawer. I imagine it to be like punching Miley Cyrus in the mouth or drop kicking Paris Hilton's dog. I imagine it to be like a marriage with Michael Buble... pure perfection.

But alas...

Life is like when you slam your hand in the car door.

Life is like hearing your high school crush is getting married.

Life is like when your cat is murdered by your mother.

Life is like a shark attack.

Life is like when Justin Timberlake exposed Janet Jackson's breast at the Superbowl. Awkward, uncomfortable, and distasteful.

But in all seriousness, I need some prayer. Today is a rough day and I have absolutely no patience.