I surrender

I've asked God countless times for things. For healing, for refocusing, for help, and some times I get discouraged because I don't feel like He listens. But time and time again the Lord puts Psalms 37:4 on my heart. "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." I keep asking for things and in turn put those needs or wants in front of Him. God makes it simple, put Him first and He'll take care of the rest. All I need to do is give up control to Him and He'll give me what I desire most. 

Lord, this is my problem. I've taken all of the control away from you and consequently watched my life spiral. Forgive me for my selfishness. Take control of my life and lead me where you want me to go. I surrender to your plans and discard my agenda. 

Daydreams By Adele

Daydreamer, sittin’ on the seat 
Soaking up the sun he is a 
Real lover, makin’ up the past and feeling up his girl like he’s never felt her figure before
Jaw-dropper
Looks good when he walks, is the subject of their talks
He would be hard to chase, but good to catch and he could change the world with his hands behind his back, Oh…

You can find him sittin’ on your doorstep
Waiting for the surprise
It will feel like he’s been there for hours
And you can tell that he’ll be there for life

Daydreamer, with eyes that make you melt
He lends his coat for shelter plus he’s there for you when he shouldn’t be
But he stays all the same, waits for you and then sees you through
There’s no way I could describe him
All I say is, just what I’m hoping for
But I will find him sittin’ on my doorstep
Waiting for the surprise
It will feel like he’s been there for hours
And I can tell that he’ll be there for life
And I can tell that he’ll be there for life

I know that there is a guy out there with eyes that make me melt. I know that he'll be hard to chase but good to catch. I know that he's out there. But some days its hard to remain that positive. Somedays I feel like he's not out there, that no one will fill that dream that I have, that no one is this dream guy that I've been waiting for. It's true when they say that patience is a virtue. I'll be the first to admit that I am not the most patient girl. In the words of Inigo Montoya, "I hate wait." But it looks like I have no choice! I just have to hold on the hope that one day I'll find him sitting on my doorstep and I'll feel like he's been there all along. 

I am

... beautifully broken

... full of grace

... rooted deep

... the apple of your eye

... a treasure

... unashamed

... designed with a purpose

... not easily moved

... in awe

... captivated

... a warrior

... anointed with oil

... desperate for more

... unquenchable

... on fire

Secrets Don't Make Friends

I wish there were no secrets. Secrets live deep down inside a person and ever so slowly suck the life out of them. Everyone has their "outside" face, the one that tells some of the story but leaves out the important vulnerable parts. Why is everyone so scared to tell people their feelings? I suppose it's fear of judgement or humiliation that drives the secrets deeper into our souls. We end up suppressing all that we really want to say. With each secret we fill up our soul. But secrets are a funny thing, as we add them up we only feel emptier. 

As funny as this sounds, my theme for last year was "Keeping it real 2008." It was a response to all the lies told to me and the lies I told other people. I made it a goal to tell people what I thought, in a non-threatening way. Mostly it was a goal to share with people my most intimate life struggles. I was sick of all the secrets and all the insecurities. 2008 was a life changing year in many ways but simply speaking my mind was the most powerful part of it. Imagine all the problems that could be solved with a honest open world. 

Dry Bones

Lord I thirst for more of you

I desire a cool drink of your living water

Water that will spring up inside of me

Lord I am dry

I need you

Oh how I need you

Come rescue me from this drought

I feel like I've been here for an eternity 

Lord I need your water

First Steps

It's official. I've been sucked into the cyber world of blogging; something I never thought I'd ever do. I never wanted to be one of those whiney teenage girls who go on for pages on their newest crush and how they've moved on to their 6th BFF this year. I promise this will not be one of those. I've realized that blogs can be much more than that; more of a safe haven for thoughts you could never express to anyone. I could care less if anyone reads it. I have no hidden agenda. No hopes that certain people will read this and find out that I'm actually deep. I'm not one to care what people think. 

This may seem like poor timing to start one. I've just begun my second semester in college and should be spending my time chipping away at the mountain of books on what used to be my desk and is now a large shelve for anything I and occasionally my roommate can fit on it. But perhaps this is perfect timing. 2009 has just begun and I'm one day into a beast of a semester that will prove to be the death of me. I'll have plenty to talk about!!