New Beginnings

I've been on dorms for three days now. I'm the only girl until tomorrow when Jess and Leah move in. This weekend has been stressful, busy, but fun! Matt and I are stepping into our new roles quite nicely. And there's been a lot of laughs! Like today! I decided to be a big girl and drive the 12 passenger van to the airport to make a pick up. Everything went smooth until we got to the parking garage. Me being American have no idea what meters are and decided that yes in fact our van does have the clearance of 2 meters. Um, no. We found that out as we neared the metal bars to stop vehicles that are too high. At this point we are on a one way street with traffic behind us and nowhere to go. I had to back up quite a distance and back track to the other uncovered parking lot. FRUSTRATING! I could have completely lost it and started crying and everything. But surprisingly I was calm and collected. God is showing me how perfect I am for this job. I've been offering suggestions in the meetings and making changes. I love it! Tomorrow I have a meeting with Clint the student life director about an issue I have with something on dorms. Wow. I know that God has put me in this position to make some changes. Praise Him for equipping me! I'm not saying that I'm gonna be SUPER RA or anything, but I know that I can handle this. This year is going to be full of surprises! 

Round 2

Goodbye Corvallis! Goodbye old me! Tomorrow marks a momentous occasion. One year ago I left home for the first time, scared, alone, and completely utterly terrified of going to college. The year proved to be the best of my entire life and how I'm back for round two. This time I am not afraid, I am not alone, and I am utterly thrilled to be going back. The amount of change that has occurred in my life this past year is unbelievable and I give it all to God. Without Him my year wouldn't have been nearly this good. One whole year of transformation. Here I am world! The new and improved Jemima! Ready for anything!

Wishing

"I've been here so long that it feels like home." That's what I told Jess when I told her that I feel discouraged about my singleness. It's true, my thinking is that I'll never get out of this hole. I guess its because I can see the light at the top of the hole but I have no idea how to climb out. I know that in the end I'll find someone, but I don't know how to get there. I guess I need to learn how to enjoy the time in between because God gave it to me so it's precious. It's a gift that I shouldn't waste by wishing it away. 

I Want To Succeed

If anyone knows me they know that I love to organize and I love to make check lists and work to finish those lists. It's the administrative gifting God has given me and some may laugh but I love paperwork. For the last week I've been saying everyday "Tonight I'm going to start packing up my room." But every night I don't do it. I simply walk into my room and then I walk out. Finally I forced myself to do it yesterday and afterwards felt mildly satisfied. I sat at the reception desk during the evening service last night and decided to make a list of all the things I need to get done at home before school starts and all the things I need to buy but yet again I didn't get that excited feeling like I usually do. I couldn't quite figure it out until I chatted with my dearest Jess. Things started to click. I realized that I was feeling unsatisfied and almost nauseous because I really didn't want to go back to school. I've put so much pressure on "the fall" that I'm not quite sure I want it to come. I'm worried that it won't be all that I've dreamt it to be. I look at the list of students signed up for dorms and I only know a few. I guess I'm mourning the past and wishing that fall could be an exact copy of last fall. But where's the growth in that? Where's the challenge?
I've been doubting my qualifications as RA as well. It's far more responsibility then I thought it was and I'm slowly realizing what I got myself into. I question the staff for picking me. I'm a second year! I really don't have my life together, I just put on a brave face. I'm a mess sometimes. Make that all the time. What do they see in me? God's been teaching me that I can do anything that He thinks I can do but I can't help but think that this whole RA thing is a mistake. Maybe they didn't really want me and I was their third or fourth choice. Maybe a fall back. It's hard for me to believe that I can do this. But I guess I can't do this. I can't even begin to think I can tackle this by myself. God got me into this job and He'll work with me to succeed. That's what I'm ultimately worried about. I'm worried that I will fail. I'm worried that I'll let the school and the students down. I want to succeed.

The End, The Beginning

Today was the last official work day of the internship. We work the weekend at church and then I spend 6 days at kids camp, one final night and then I'm out of here. Its almost surreal. The first 5 weeks barely crawled on but the second half soared by. I actually can't believe that in less than two weeks I'll be back at PLBC. God taught me so many things this summer. He taught me that I should just trust His guidance because He believes in me way more than I believe in myself. He taught me how to follow His lead even when its foggy and I can only see 10 feet ahead. He brought me through a very successful summer and I'm incredibly grateful. 

Last night Brandon asked me if I'll be returning next summer. If he would have asked 4 weeks ago I would have laughed in his face but now I'm considering it. I know that God isn't done teaching me things and I know that if He wants me back that there's a reason. I told Brandon I have to pray about it which is true. I have no idea what God has in store for me next summer, much like I felt last fall. God always pulls the pieces together. I know that He'll show me what I'm supposed to do next year. Right now I'm going to focus on today, this week, and this month. I have too much going on to think that far ahead. 

God, I know You have some surprises for me this school year. I'm waiting with great anticipation for what You have. You always give me the BEST gifts. 

Victory!

Tonight I am a champion. Tonight I am an overcomer! 

I've been alone in the Dydell's huge house since 5 this evening and will be alone until saturday. When I was younger this would have been my worst fear come true, a dark spooky house all alone. But tonight it is not scary it is a dream come true. I am trusting in God and putting all my strength in Him and Him alone. He is my refuge in the face of danger and He is my protector. I will not fear with Him around. 

Mere Christianity

I just got back from jr high camp on saturday and today I visited Bethany, Katie, and Ryan up in BC. What an incredible weekend! I'll blog about that later this week, but for tonight I'm catching up on some reading for my internship. We're finishing up Mere Christianity by CS Lewis and man did the end really pick up! I'm totally interested in it! Here are my top two quotes of the night-

"...and that by the way, is perhaps the most important difference between Christianity and all other religions: that in Christianity God is not a static thing-not even a person-but a dynamic, pulsating activity, a life, almost a kind of drama. Almost, if you will not think of me irreverent, a kind of dance."

I don't want to serve a king that is static, unmoving, and dead. I want a dance, a romance to sweep me off my feet!!

"The Christian way is different: harder, and easier. Christ says 'Give me All. I don't want so much of your time and so much of your money and so much of your work: I want You. I have not come to torment your natural self, but to kill it. No half-measures are any good. I don't want to cut off a branch here and a branch there, I want to have the whole tree down. I don't want to drill the tooth, or crown it, or stop it, but to have it out. Hand over the whole natural self, all the desires which you think innocent as well as the ones you think wicked-the whole outfit. I will give you a new self instead. In fact, I will give you Myself: my own will shall become yours.'"