Albert Einstein said that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Perhaps that's true. I've had a few situations come up in the past few months that are testimonies to this statements validity. What am I thinking expecting people to change or situations to change if I just keep doing the same thing? Maybe its like to just leave them alone.
Maybe I should just leave....
Friday, November 26, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Battle Ground
Recently I've had my shield down. I've felt like I've been under attack by the enemy. At every corner its like I face a new obstacle. Last night I decided that I was done. Seriously over these frequent assaults. So I asked God for some relief and He sent me to Ephesians 6. When I opened my Bible it was like a hand came out from the pages and smacked me in the forehead. DUH! When I was in Grenada every single time Serena and I left the house we prayed the armor of God on us to protect us from the attacks of the enemy. But ever since I got back I haven't done that. Which is silly because I am still in the mission field here in Canada. Satan can still attack and he does it often! I realized that I need to suit up before leaving my room every morning.
"Father, today I put on the helmet of salvation, I grab my sword of the spirit, my shield of faith, my breastplate of salvation, my belt of truth. I cover my feet with the gospel of peace. Ready to enter into battle for You, Lord."
"Father, today I put on the helmet of salvation, I grab my sword of the spirit, my shield of faith, my breastplate of salvation, my belt of truth. I cover my feet with the gospel of peace. Ready to enter into battle for You, Lord."
Monday, November 15, 2010
Beauty Breakdown
What is beauty?
Today marks half way through November but more importantly, Natural November. I do confess that the first week of this quest to challenge social standards of beauty; I found to be exceedingly more difficult then I had expected. To jump inside the mind of a young woman is to fall into a whirlwind of insecurity and a tangled nest of over thinking. To take make up off a young woman is the equivalent of stripping off her clothes and expecting her to be comfortable in public. I've never felt so exposed. Baring my imperfections for all to scrutinize.
What will people think of me?
I believe fear of man is the core of my obsession with cosmetics. Girls have fooled themselves into thinking that make up manufactures beauty and therefore makes them more desirable. Its the fear of man that dictates the amount of cover up I put on, or mascara, or blah blah blah. Its the thought that I will be judged or even worse, overlooked. Isn't that the core of it? That my natural skin and my boring eyes will not impress and I will be discounted?
Who dictates what beauty is?
The history of beauty is a journey of society's desperate attempt to define such a mystifying word. The dictionary defines it as: the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.). According to this definition beauty arises from sensory perceptions which would suggest that beauty truly lies in the beholder. It is subjective to one's personal opinion of what is beautiful.
No one can give guidelines for beauty.
The Truth
For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother's womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You.
When I was made in the secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.
Psalms 139:13-16
If this is how God made me and formed me to be then why must I feel the need to cover it? God's definition of beauty is vastly different then the social norm we are forced into. What is beauty? God's creation is beautiful. We are made in the image of God, who's radiance surpasses anything we can imagine. My new revelation?
I am beautiful, my Daddy in heaven tells me so. Now if only society could grab hold of this conclusion.
Today marks half way through November but more importantly, Natural November. I do confess that the first week of this quest to challenge social standards of beauty; I found to be exceedingly more difficult then I had expected. To jump inside the mind of a young woman is to fall into a whirlwind of insecurity and a tangled nest of over thinking. To take make up off a young woman is the equivalent of stripping off her clothes and expecting her to be comfortable in public. I've never felt so exposed. Baring my imperfections for all to scrutinize.
What will people think of me?
I believe fear of man is the core of my obsession with cosmetics. Girls have fooled themselves into thinking that make up manufactures beauty and therefore makes them more desirable. Its the fear of man that dictates the amount of cover up I put on, or mascara, or blah blah blah. Its the thought that I will be judged or even worse, overlooked. Isn't that the core of it? That my natural skin and my boring eyes will not impress and I will be discounted?
Who dictates what beauty is?
The history of beauty is a journey of society's desperate attempt to define such a mystifying word. The dictionary defines it as: the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.). According to this definition beauty arises from sensory perceptions which would suggest that beauty truly lies in the beholder. It is subjective to one's personal opinion of what is beautiful.
No one can give guidelines for beauty.
The Truth
For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother's womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You.
When I was made in the secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.
Psalms 139:13-16
If this is how God made me and formed me to be then why must I feel the need to cover it? God's definition of beauty is vastly different then the social norm we are forced into. What is beauty? God's creation is beautiful. We are made in the image of God, who's radiance surpasses anything we can imagine. My new revelation?
I am beautiful, my Daddy in heaven tells me so. Now if only society could grab hold of this conclusion.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Peace
I sat on a park bench today and had a good chat with God. No one was around so I just talked and talked. I can't explain the peace I felt. Its like a wind that just swept through and took away all my worries. With every word I spoke I felt more and more freedom. God has that effect doesn't He? "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." Right? Sometimes its hard for me to believe that He could actually care that much for me that He would listen to a little girl on a park bench talking about all of her silly little problems that don't matter much at all. But He does. He loves the time we spend together. He loves Sunday afternoons in the park. And so do I.
Monday, November 8, 2010
What's New?
It's late. But my mind can think of so many other things to do than sleeping and judging by my rapid typing, it seems my fingers and my mind just need to say something so I think it best to blog.
Being home stresses me out. Its a kick back into an old life and a reminder that I have no idea where my new life is headed. My parents are always interested in what's new in my life. With me you never really know and I think they're grown to expect that. The simple question can bring a variety of answers pertaining to my major at PLBC, my future at PLBC, my ministry focus as of late, and various other subjects. Never a dull moment in my brain, I can tell you that much.
Last night I sat down with my parents to discuss all that is new with me, including recent cry fests about how I believe my life is going nowhere, but mostly focusing on the new opportunity with the Pregnancy Options Center. As I began to explain to my parents what I've been praying about and trusting God to illuminate; things started making sense. I realized that the dreams that I have had for years could actually be obtainable and I might actually be on the right track to see them come to completion. I suppose this is always a good thing.
Two silly dreams I've had suddenly collided and I realized what I need to do. First, I have a dream to speak in front of large groups of youth and young adults. I have had visions of me on stage preaching in front of crowds and I believe these visions are God given. The second is to write a book. This seems impossible but with God I know what the impossible is made possible. So why fear?
I realized that working with the Pregnancy Options Center is the perfect step for me on this path towards my future. It will help me become more comfortable with public speaking and familiar with the topic of "sexual integrity" which is what I want to write about in this book. I want to write about the seasonal gift of singleness and relationships. I realize right now, I can't quite write about relationships considering I know nothing about the subject but this will be a process. It's all about making steps towards my goals.
I am tired of dreaming and its about time to do something about those dreams. If this means starting chapter outlines for this book, then that's what I shall do. I am a driven girl. I will not let anything get in the way of these dreams. Step by step, I will walk in faith towards my dreams. My path is ordained, this is know for sure.
Being home stresses me out. Its a kick back into an old life and a reminder that I have no idea where my new life is headed. My parents are always interested in what's new in my life. With me you never really know and I think they're grown to expect that. The simple question can bring a variety of answers pertaining to my major at PLBC, my future at PLBC, my ministry focus as of late, and various other subjects. Never a dull moment in my brain, I can tell you that much.
Last night I sat down with my parents to discuss all that is new with me, including recent cry fests about how I believe my life is going nowhere, but mostly focusing on the new opportunity with the Pregnancy Options Center. As I began to explain to my parents what I've been praying about and trusting God to illuminate; things started making sense. I realized that the dreams that I have had for years could actually be obtainable and I might actually be on the right track to see them come to completion. I suppose this is always a good thing.
Two silly dreams I've had suddenly collided and I realized what I need to do. First, I have a dream to speak in front of large groups of youth and young adults. I have had visions of me on stage preaching in front of crowds and I believe these visions are God given. The second is to write a book. This seems impossible but with God I know what the impossible is made possible. So why fear?
I realized that working with the Pregnancy Options Center is the perfect step for me on this path towards my future. It will help me become more comfortable with public speaking and familiar with the topic of "sexual integrity" which is what I want to write about in this book. I want to write about the seasonal gift of singleness and relationships. I realize right now, I can't quite write about relationships considering I know nothing about the subject but this will be a process. It's all about making steps towards my goals.
I am tired of dreaming and its about time to do something about those dreams. If this means starting chapter outlines for this book, then that's what I shall do. I am a driven girl. I will not let anything get in the way of these dreams. Step by step, I will walk in faith towards my dreams. My path is ordained, this is know for sure.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
In Your Hands
In the midst of the chaos of my life as of late there remains one constant. God holds my hand. I want to continue to live the way I have been the last few months... casually strolling along with my Savior. Sometimes I literally find myself clenching my fist when I'm stressed to almost squeeze Jesus' hand. Sounds childish, I'm sure, but He is my comfort. So often I can actually feel His presence in my life. There are times where I don't feel like I'm walking alone. I panic easily in a stressful situation but since Grenada that's all changed. I can get overwhelmed sure, but who's going to fault me for that. I'm a full time college student, I've got stuff going on! But overall I don't need to worry about anything because God is here. He is in the room with me right now. He is ever present. With God by my side, who's going to mess with me?
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