Another Update

I find myself questioning my effectiveness here. I realize that with missions you can't measure your success on anything. Your success lies in relationships. But I suppose it would be nice to have something tangible to say "look... this is what I did" but it looks like I won't be getting that. Somedays I feel so useless but I know that's the enemy speaking. I know that there is a reason I am here. I'm just not sure what exactly that reason is.

Overall things are on the up. Serena and I are finally getting into a routine which has proven very effective for adjusting us to the culture here. Having goals for the day is imperative for our mental health. The culture here is unbelievably laid back and its hard to adapt to that. I hear people at home saying they wish they could have some relaxation time but in reality what I'm in is a whole different beast. Boredom is Satan's open door. But Serena and I are battling him with positivity. We know that we can't allow him to bring us down.

We just wrapped up a week of VBS and have one more to go. We're being challenged because communication is lacking and organization is a foreign concept when it comes to this island. Sometimes we feel over our head in this whole VBS thing but we're not going to let that stop us. We're learning a lot about ministry all ready even though we've been involved in minimal events.

Words

I was looking back on some words I got this past year and I finally saw the importance of them.

"Hold onto me. Don't lose sight of me. Continue to look to me always, when troubles come, I'm here. You can depend on me."

"You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you."

"Whatever trials you may face, just trust in Him. It's okay to cry and release your emotions. Expect trials because you know that your brothers and sisters in Christ are going through the same things all over the world. Whatever enemy uses for bad or to bring you down, God has a plan to lift you up and carry you out."

"The joy of the Lord is your strength! Your joy and gladness brightens others lives, choose to live life with God's joy in your heart. He loves you--so dance before Him! Praise Him in all opportunities because the love and passion your have for Christ is contagious!"

"Surrender all, surrender all, I'm dead to sin, alive within."

"Be obedient and the Spirit of God will find you!"

"One of my friends told me that you should never watch the enemy because you'll psych yourself out. Keep your eyes focuses on God, don't watch the works of the enemy."

"There is a time for mourning and a time for dancing but His joy will always come in the morning. There are struggles ahead but keep the faith and you will endure them. Do not be robbed of your joy by those who may accuse you but let it shine even brighter in the difficult circumstances. You are a strong tower when Christ is your cornerstone- keep Him int he cneter of your life. Psalm 33."

"You're going to go far my child, so do not quit when things get very tough. Suffering, failure and hardship is refining you and leading you back to me. Don't forget to seek first my Kingdom and my righteousness."

"Perseverance. Some things don't go like you wanted them to go, but know that God has got your back and all you need to do is trust Him and persevere."

Fear Dreams

I had a dream last night that pulled me out of bed this morning at 6:45 to think it through. The dream boils down to "I hate change, I fear change, I fear being forgotten, I fear taking a backseat, and most of all I fear having to act like I'm perfectly fine with all of that." Right now I'm working through some things in my life. Like, who are my true friends and what does it all mean. The dream made me fear that I can't rely on the same people anymore. That I am gone and everything will change and I will be in the dark. I fear coming back in January to PLBC. Maybe it would be easier if I just didn't come back. Or maybe it wouldn't. Once again I struggle with "where is my place?" So much going on in my mind this morning, maybe I should try to go back to sleep and dream something pleasant.

This Weeks Lesson

I've been reading lately about cross cultural ministry, in retrospect I probably should have been reading up before I came here. I just wrapped up my first book and what I got out of it and what I mentioned in my last post is that the language of Jesus crosses all cultural boundaries. Serena and I both taught a session of sunday school this morning and this is what we learned. Culturally the children are different here, they are more shy and less interactive but we overcame these obstacles. Our ministry here isn't fancy. We have no smoke and very few mirrors. For children's ministry we don't worry about being edgy in any way, for worship we don't worry about different camera angles. In fact, here they don't even worry about instruments! haha.

I pray that Serena and I achieve what we came here to do. That is to bless this church and come back changed. I already know there's no way I can ever come back the same, I just hope we can impact this church.

You are my everything...

I guess I really can't fathom the greatness of my God. Lets look at the facts. God called me here to Grenada, He miraculously provided the funds, and He got me here safely. Now its my job to do His work. I am just in awe of how involved He is in my life. Seriously. Serena and I are learning what it means to live in the palm of His hand. He is our everything. He is guiding this trip. Honestly, I am just floating around in this sea of grace, moving in the ways He wants me to go.

We're strangers to this land but we do have one commonality, that is the love of Christ. Jesus Christ is a language spoken by all cultures. It is because of Christ that we have been welcomed here with open arms. The church here, even though its struggling, has a passion for the Lord that I admire. These people are so thankful for everything, even though they have nothing. They praise the Lord no matter what. Its the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Church brings me to near tears. I hope we in America and Canada can learn to adopt this. They give the Lord their everything and they give Him all the glory.

Serena and I have withstood countless attacks from the enemy so far on this trip. Its made us spiritually and emotionally exhausted but it has also made us spiritually aware. There is a battle raging all around us. We will not be defeated. No matter how tired we are of fighting we will never put down our swords. There wouldn't be this much attack if satan wasn't nervous about us being here. : )

Trip Beginnings: an overview

I'm double posting all my Grenada blogs to both of my blogs because after I get back I will delete my Grenada blog but I'm going to want to keep the posts. This way they can stay on this blog forever.

Well I thought I should probably put up a blog so all my friends and family could see what I'm up too. I've been journaling like a mad woman in my missions journal but I suppose its time to go viral.

Let me paint a picture for you all of my current situation. I am sitting less than a foot in front of a fan. I am not sitting on the couch because well... I am so severely sunburnt that I can't let my back touch anything. Now before you get all motherly, I did apply sunscreen as did Serena who is in the exact same situation I have found myself in. We discovered that the sun here is crueler and our sunscreen was made ineffective. In retrospect I should have just worn a long sleeved shirt and jeans but the 78% humidity wouldn't allow for that. The heat is unbelievable. I keep hearing people talk about how hot it is at home, and granted yes, the temperature is hotter. But we have humidity... lots of it. And let me remind you that everyone at home also has air conditioning, or if not they have air conditioned cars, or if not they have the ability to go to a supermarket, or bank, or movie theater. Like really. I can walk to.... um... someone else's house and sit on their porch... yea. Haha, I know that we'll get used to it soon enough. Our apartment is crazy nice in comparison to the other houses in the area, we have wireless internet, and pretty much everything we could ever need here, so I'm really not complaining.

Our land lady is really great, she's kinda like our surrogate grandmother here. Last night she delivered biscuits that she had just baked. They were delicious and this morning she delivered us some sort of giant banana thing with brown sugar that was also delicious. Not to mention that she brings us a mango or two every morning.

Now that I've covered all the little stuff, lets hit the hard stuff. Serena and I were immediately spiritually attacked upon getting here. In fact as the door closed to our apartment Wednesday night leaving us all alone, I sat on the bed, hyperventilated and cried. I couldn't understand why I was so upset. I just felt so lost. I took a minute to cry and then realized that I was being attacked. Serena and I began to pray. It helped a bit but it wasn't until she left the room and I looked in the mirror and saw the look of terror on my face and I started yelling prayers and telling satan to leave that I felt relief.

Day one was, to put it lightly, hell. Serena and I were sleep deprived from the heat and anxious. We just wanted to stay busy so we didn't freak out and cry but that didn't happen. We got a crash course in the Grenadian lifestyle. Let me break it down for you, they do nothing here in Conference. We're in the countryside in the middle of nowhere. Literally just a town on the way to somewhere better. Everyone knows each other here because everyone is related. The town is very poor, most people don't have jobs so they literally just sit on their porches. That's all. I'm not trying to talk it down or anything, its just a complete switch from the lifestyle of North America. There is no rush here. People come and go as they please. They'll wake you up in the morning to see how you are, and they'll just drop by whenever to say hello.

Needless to say, we're in culture shock. Google it if you want the definition, we did. : ) It may take a few weeks or months to get out of it. We're praying constantly, suiting up with the armor of God in the mornings and praying against attack when we see it coming.

So far, lessons learned....

Nothing is ever as bad as it seems. Just stop, breathe, and pray.

The love of Christ breaks down cultural walls.

I can do anything through Christ that strengthens me.

Never underestimate the power of reading the word everyday.

Use more sunscreen.

Right now we're doing minimal ministry, which is our biggest concern. We have a desire to be used. We're going to plan for the two weeks of VBS at the end of this month and the graduation ceremony in August. The rest of our duties are unclear. I just hope we figure it out soon. So for now, Serena and I are just kinda sitting around and waiting to do stuff. This is a hard practice to have, let me tell you. We're getting some good reading done that's for sure. God really does speak in the silence. : )

Grenada day one

I'll be honest, today was hell. I really don't like it here yet. Its so HOT, its maddening. Bugs outside make a constant chirp, all night long. We don't have food. We have no one. We have no jobs. We're not even quite sure why they said they could use some help here. No one does anything. We sat around the apartment all day. Its literally been the longest day of my life. Last night was awful. We couldn't sleep well because of the blistering heat. We have AC in our bedroom but we can't use it for more than an hour because of cost. It wasn't until 5 that we got Gloria to turn the internet on. We're not really sure how we're going to fill our time. Church only meets Sunday morning and Tuesday evening. That's all the stuff we have to do. THAT'S ALL. We're under some attack, I know this. Serena and I cried for about an hour today about our current situation. Its hard here. I can't wait to come home.... already.

Getting Ready

I'm in route to Grenada. I'm about to partake in the craziest plan I've yet to formulate and will most likely be the defining moment of my college career. As the wheels took off from Portland I began to think why I'm doing this. Officially I'm doing this to fulfill a practicum requirement for my missions program, or at least that's the reason I give people. But I'm doing this for so much more than that. First of all I'm doing this to fulfill something much greater; the call on my life. God said, "Will you follow me? Will you give up some things for me? Will you do something that you're not comfortable with? Will you love my people? No matter where they are? Will you trust me?"

YES

I have high expectations for this trip. I expect to laugh, love, cry, pray, dance, and sing. I expect to be out of my comfort zone at all times. I expect to have no comprehension of what a comfort zone is when I return in December. I expect the Lord to move in ways I never imagined. I expect to be surprised at the strength the Lord has given me and I expect to constantly live in an ocean of grace.

I really have no idea what I'm doing but I have every idea of who I serve.