Who am I? Am I the terrifying monster everyone thinks I am? Leadership is difficult. Leadership is not fun. It's stressful and it doesn't always make friends. I've recently found out that people fear me as a leader. I come across cold and distant. Is it me that makes myself that way? Or is an incorrect assumption? Being RA and working in student leadership is not scoring me very many points here at this school.
I'm finding that my own insecurities as a person are coming out in my leadership. My "shyness" that I've battled my entire life is becoming a hinderance. I suppose I'm not one of those super relational leaders that always runs up to everyone and connects with them. My personality is that of a loner. It worked for me in high school but isn't here at PLBC. It's like there's an anxiety barrier between myself and everyone else. I want to be outgoing with everyone, I want to be the life of the party but I just can't. I'm comfortable around a few particular people but when they aren't around I revert to my quiet nervous self. I need to find the root of this problem and take care of it and fast! I can't have people thinking I'm so cold and that I don't care to get to know them. I realize I appear confident but if only they knew that I am just as insecure as they are.
2 comments:
It seems we are all asking that question? Who am I? I've always thought that people think I'm the sensitive one who isn't very smart. I look at people with leadership gifts like you and admire them. People listen intently to what you say and follow. I feel like we are each tested in our different giftings and go through times where we feel as if people cannot relate to us. I know God speaks to me very deeply about things, prophetically about stuff..but it's difficult sharing when I feel like others aren't gonna understand or see it like I do. It's a burden I carry sometimes. I will be praying for you..i love you.
Thanks Tess, I love your comments. I guess everyone has qualities they love about themselves and others that they hate. i realize that i'm in a process of learning about who i am as a leader. Its difficult but I suppose its good.
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