Habits

"I need to say goodbye to all the metaphors and lies that have taken me years to come up with"

You know when you go down a old road in the forest and the path is so worn down that your tires just fall into the divots and follow the hundreds of tires that have forged the way? That's what my brain does. When I see someone I like or am semi-interested in I immediately fall into those divots. I am a creature of habit. The worst part of it is that when I find out that there is no future in him I think the same thing. "I'm not thin enough.", "I'm not beautiful enough.", "I don't flirt enough, he doesn't even know I exist.", "I'm not good enough.", "I'm never going to find anyone.", "I'm so sick of this." to name a few. But what I really need to do is train my brain not to think that way. I can't handle thinking that way, I'm not strong enough to continue doing that and I can't afford the emotional expense. But habits die hard. Its so easy to fall into a pool of self pity and drown in it. This will be a process.