2010

"And you ask me what I want this year and I try to make this kind and clear, just a chance that maybe we'll find... better days." Better Days by The Goo Goo Dolls

When I dream of what's to come in the new year I see car lights in the driveway. I was listening to the song "Where We Gonna From Here" by Mat Kearney when I got that picture. The line is "car lights in the driveway I wonder who's going.. coming my way. Tomorrow we're turning down the highway..." I can see potential in the new year but I don't know what that means. I can't explain it very well, but I feel unusually optimistic about 2010. That's why the idea of car lights in the driveway fits so well.

You know when you were young and you waited at the window for someone to come home. Be it your parents, or visiting Grandparents, when those head lights broke the darkness and veered into the driveway your heart jumped. I'm sitting in the window sill; waiting. The new year holds infinite possibilities and I know that I will see better days turning down my driveway.

Tuesday

1st- read previous post to understand this.

Today was the day of excitement! Or so it was supposed to me. So, what happened? What did I learn? Nothing... absolutely nothing. I wasn't expecting anything big, but at least something. Nope, I spent the whole day being lazy and not doing much but my hair and nails.

Hmm. Maybe the dream didn't mean a thing.

Prego

Last Wednesday night I had an odd, to say the least, dream. I dreamt that I was back at school, nothing too exciting, except for the fact that I was 9 months pregnant. So was Leah, we were both crazy prego. She was due in a few weeks but I was for sure due Tuesday. In fact I went to a group of my friends and asked them to keep me in their prayers on Tuesday. The dream was incredibly vivid and believable. I woke up at around 4 in the morning completely spinning with confusion. In my dream I felt pregnant and when I woke up I felt it too. Like I had a phantom giant belly. To weird.

Its commonly known that dreams of pregnancy can mean that you're going to birth something new in your life. Tomorrow is Tuesday..... lets see what happens!

Christmas

Christmas 2009 is over and it was one of the best. God has truly blessed me. My family is absolutely incredible and I love how comfortable I am around them. This year's holiday has turned into a three day event. The first at my parents house, Christmas Eve tradition of a couple of varieties of soup followed by opening presents! Both my parents were raised opening their gifts on Christmas Eve, so its all I've known. Personally I like the idea. : ) Today (Christmas Day) started at my parents house with stockings and I made lunch. Then we went over to my brother and sister's place for the afternoon for games, Prime rib for dinner, and The Santa Clause for after dinner entertainment. Tomorrow will be lunch with my aunt and uncle in McMinnville and some shopping. Pretty darn perfect if you ask me.

Not only have I been blessed by the presents my family got me, but I'm so blessed in all aspects of my life. God has me in such a great place, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Being at home for the past two weeks has re-energized me and I've still got two more weeks to soak in some more Oregon.

Thank you Lord for everything. You've really got my back.

Pits

Sometimes life is the pits......

Freedom in this Place

Once again blog.... this one is kinda cryptic, but oh well. I broke something in my life this Christmas break. I broke a stronghold that I've had in my life for over four years. What a victory! I know that this won't be easy to keep up but in Christ alone my hope is found. I can finally see myself free from this stupid anchor that I've been holding on to. Now maybe I can make it to the surface.

Christmas wish

Sleigh bells ring, are you listening?

In the lane snow is glistening

A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight

Walking in a winter wonderland

Gone away is the blue bird

Here to stay is the new bird

He sings a love song

As we go along

Walking in a winter wonderland

In the meadow we can build a snowman

Then pretend that he is Parson Brown

He'll say, are you married?

We'll say, no man

But you can do the job when you're in town

Later on we'll conspire,

As we dream by the fire

To face unafraid,

The plans that we've made

Walking in a winter wonderland

I'm Obsessed With This Girl Named Jemima

Some people have mentioned the fact that I post many pictures of myself. That is for one reason... obviously I'm obsessed with myself. NOT! I like to post a picture to show how I'm feeling as I'm writing. Puts a face/emotion to the words. Mostly this blog is for me, I don't write for anyone else. I look back on my posts often and think back to how what I was feeling at that moment.

So for all those people that judge me and think I'm full of myself, you can go eat my keys.

Home

Wait.... Let me look around... yup... I'm home. I've been here for a few days and I still can't believe it. I keep thinking that I'm going back soon because I'm only ever here for 3 or 4 days at a time. Its hard for me to grasp that I'm here for a month, and its hard for my mom too. She's giving me hugs and kisses every second and coming in to say goodnight every night. I love my mama to the core. Oh home.. I love you so.

Upside Down

"I know you didn't bring me out here to drown, but why am I ten feet under and upside down?"

That lyric was my theme for the semester. At times I couldn't even see the surface and had no hope for ever finding it. God has brought me out of the depths of the semester and proven to me that He is faithful no matter what.

Lets see what's in store for next semester!

Completion

And so ends 2nd year 1st semester......

When my world comes crashing in, when I stop Lord you begin.

Insanity Is My Best Friend

All the finals, the papers, the projects have finally taken their toll.

Oh The Changes....

It's my final lifegroup for the semester and I'm about to ask the girls what was their greatest challenge of this past semester and what was their greatest victory and I guess I have to figure out my answers. My greatest challenge this semester was dealing with the fact that home is no longer where I want it to be. Home is here, not in Oregon. It was easier last year to say that I live in Oregon, but now it seems strange to say that since I've been gone for so long. I'm leaving Saturday to spend a month in Corvallis and that's the longest I've been home since last Christmas. Life isn't exactly what I thought it would be and that's hard sometimes. I always pictured myself in a different place as a different person at this stage but God's timing isn't exactly the same as mine. And I'm starting to be ok with that.

My greatest victory this semester was the point at which I realized that I'm actually content with being single. I know that sounds petty, but its true. At many times I've been emotionally unstable at the thought of my, what I like to call "impending hopeless doom that is my relationship status." But no longer. Gone are the tears about my situation and I am happy with where I'm at. FINALLY! SUCCESS!

This semester hasn't been easy at all in fact at times I felt like I was drowning, but it's coming to an end. Praise God for all that's He's brought me through. These pictures highlight some of the good times I've had the last three months. There are way more then blogger will let me upload.

I Don't Expect Anyone to Get This, Its Not For You, Its For Me

Here I go doubting myself again. Questioning every decision I've made. Do I even know what I want? Do I even know what I need? I'm so lost. Running over every word I've said through my head a dozen times. Maybe if I keep saying them then I'll start to mean it. Maybe it will be right. Maybe just maybe, in the end I'll get what I want.

Tears hit my keys faster than my fingers can type these words.