2010

Here’s my last blog for 2010. I’m writing it at a church here in Corvallis Oregon that acts as a women’s shelter during the winter so homeless women have a warm place to sleep at night. It’s 3 AM and I have to stay awake in case the police drop anyone off here, or the women need anything. My mom is asleep until I decide I can’t stay awake anymore, and then she’ll take the next shift. It’s a kinda funny way to end the year. Its proof that I never really know where God is going to lead me and its more fun to just let Him do all the directing because I get to do sweet stuff like this.

A woman came into the room I’m hanging out in at about 1 am wanting to know if I could get her something to drink. She wasn’t feeling very well. At first I wondered if she was a little “off” mentally, which could definitely be the case, but as she began to talk and I learned that she had been drunk all day. I realized that I was getting the partially still drunk version of the story. I wonder what she’ll say in the morning once she’s had a chance to sleep some of it off.

Despite her current state she was saying some pretty truthful things. She kept saying how it was all her fault, how she had not gone to the bank, and she lost her bike, and she didn’t go get a shower today because she had decided “like a fool” to drink the day away. “It was only a few bottles of whiskey.” she said, so casually. My hour with her became a profound lesson in what happens when you put your own selfish desires first. I didn’t get her life story, I don’t know anything past what her day looked like, but from that I saw a woman that let alcohol dictate what she would do. She was horribly distraught to think about all that she didn’t do. She said she needed to go to the doctor but was too drunk to go and because of that she didn’t get her meds.

As I sat at the table and listened to this poor woman who was obviously starved for conversation, I thought to myself, “I don’t want to serve anything or anyone other than God.” It doesn’t seem worth it. I wonder what she thinks of when she looks at the past year. Will she remember most days? Or will she have days or weeks that are blacked out? When I look back at 2010 I see a year that can only be described as the strangest ride of my life. It started out at PLBC prepping for tour team, getting involved with the gong show, at one point I was dressed as a nerd named Martine, but we won’t talk about that… Then I was on tour, traveling all the way to New York City a place that I had only dreamt of going and didn’t think I would actually ever get to see. Then there was Grenada. Wasn’t that just a random time in my life?!?!?!?1 hahaha. God taught me so much about waiting on Him and following Him no matter where He leads. Then I got back to BC for another semester and was challenged in ways I never wanted but it was so good. God kept telling me to wait, to wait on Him, so that’s what I did. And honestly, I’m not too proud of the way I ended the semester but I survived it and I’m stronger because of it.

I have a pretty incredible life and it’s because of my God. Its not because of me following my selfish desires, it has been a journey of me blindly walking in faith listening to God’s voice directing my steps. This is a lesson that I’m learning every single day. It starts with waking up and saying “Good Morning God!” and remembering that He is our focus, we are not our focus.

Thank you God for an unbelievable year. You always exceed my expectations! Lets take on 2011! You and me, God! Its just You and me!